I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
