the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
