Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
