I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
