I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
