I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
