dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
