operation have a gay friend backfired
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
