I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
