Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
