Sry I called you an 8
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
