could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
