On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize