So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
