Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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