yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hate all girls vehemently.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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