I want to make a zoo with you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
