im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
