That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
