That's intense
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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