I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sorry my hands just texted you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
