Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's shark week go big or go home
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
