im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
