Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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