life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize