This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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