I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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