Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize