I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
