why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
