Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
