Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Houston, we have a squirter
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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