For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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