Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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