He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
