This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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