Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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