My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
