A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
