I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
