the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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