Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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