there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
