Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
