wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
