I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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