Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
As shirtless as possible
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
