Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
