im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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