Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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