if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
