..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
