I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's blow job season.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
