lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
