He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
