So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
