I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
