I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
