there was a trapeze. enough said
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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