census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
