hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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