LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
