Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
