I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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