I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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