I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
tell me about the eggs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
